National Infertility Awareness Week
It might seem like a strange topic to post about of here but it breaks my heart to think of how many people have tried to have children but, for whatever reason, haven’t been able to. My best friend is one of those people and having been through failed rounds of IVF she has come to terms with the fact that she is not going to become a mum.
Whilst reading their website I thought, is was brilliant, it could of helped me to handle my friends infertility much better if i’d known about it at the time.
I especially appreciated this post from Resolve, The National Infertility Association, about infertility etiquette for friends and families and wanted to share it with you.
This is not the full post but excerpts from the fantastically written article.
For the full article, go here.
- Don’t Tell Them to Relax - The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
- Don’t Minimize the Problem - Comments like, “Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.,” do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimising their pain.
- Don’t Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
- Don’t Say They Aren’t Meant to Be Parents
- Don’t Ask Why They Aren’t Trying IVF - People frequently ask, “Why don’t you just try IVF?” in the same casual tone they would use to ask, “Why don’t you try shopping at another store?”
- Don’t Be Crude - Crude comments like “I’ll donate the sperm” or “Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination” are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
- Don’t Complain About Your Pregnancy - You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don’t put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
- Don’t Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant - For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don’t follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn’t ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
- Don’t Gossip About Your Friend’s Condition - Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret… Respect your friend’s privacy, and don’t share any information that your friend hasn’t authorised.
- Don’t Push Adoption - When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
- Let Them Know That You Care - Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one.
- Remember Them on Mother’s Day - Remember your infertile friends on Mother’s Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven’t “forgotten” them.
- Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments - Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don’t try to open that chapter again
I hope that you are never in need of the above advise but with a friend who suffers from infertility I find these to be great tips, although without the ability to magically allow her to have a child I know I can never take away the pain of her want to be a mother.
Posted in Infertility